In light of the recent news headlines regarding Domestic Violence and well-known athletes, and with the hope of shedding a bit more understanding into the victim's mindset, I offer this blog.

There are no words that adequately describe the pain of a mother who abandons or rejects her children, who neglects or abuses or harms them in any way, or who violates their trust, love, and need for her. And it is extremely injurious for others whose mothers did not protect them from outside injustices or provide safety from familial betrayals. 

With the holidays upon us and as we are faced with a  myriad of expectations regarding familial traditions, customs, and gatherings, for many it is often a time of internal struggle and stress. Family allegiances and history pull at our heart strings while personal betrayals and private injuries beckon our need for protective distancing. Some time ago, I had the privilege of viewing a remarkable independent film entitled Shouting Secrets. 

"The Glass Castle" is a film based on the best-selling memoir by Jeanette Walls. It is painful and powerful. It is heartwarming and heartbreaking. Jeanette Walls, despite being raised in a chaotic and negligent environment, broke free from the bonds of family dysfunction and built a life for herself as an accomplished journalist.

Recently, I had the opportunity to speak to the staff of a comprehensive high school in Southern California about Screen Dependence. Because it is also a boarding school, I was able to connect with the academic faculty as well as the home-living staff. 

Over the past few weeks, there has been quite a bit of buzz regarding the Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why. Because of my interest in youth, my background in cyber bullying, and my years of advocating for victims of all kinds, I wanted to watch it. I did. Today's blog is not about the controversies surrounding the series or the pros or cons of it. It is about one behavior - shaming - which permeated the entire story-line.

Amidst an escalating environment of anger, blame, and chaos of the past several years, folks are hesitate  to turn on the TV, or view their Facebook page, or see what is trending on Twitter. Although we want to stay informed, many of us feel overwhelming sadness over the ongoing traumas such as environmental disasters, mass shootings, and chronic political turmoil which  are continually being replayed, re-tweeted, re-posted, etc.

Being an author in today's times, it is mandatory to embrace as many of the social networking platforms as I possibly have time for. As much as I resisted this practice in the earlier years of my writing career - blogging, posting, tweeting, texting, pinning, face-booking, sharing, uploading, liking, linking, and so on - have all become part of my daily routine!

Tragically, over the years we have heard about horrific cases of abuse, trauma, bullying and other acts of violence. Typically, these inhumane injustices are carried out within familial systems or are random crimes committed by disturbed perpetrators.

Domestic Violence is one of the themes of Awareness for this month. Sometimes, I feel like it is an issue that doesn't get the attention it deserves. Of course, October has other important causes - such as Anti-Bullying and Breast Cancer Awareness - but I also think that it is an issue that we are uncomfortable discussing. It often isn't until an individual has lost her/his life because of it or until a high-profile celebrity makes the headlines because of a domestic violent incident that it captures our attention.

Many times our voice is disrespected because we are not as selective and discerning as we need to be in our disclosures. First, we must value the content of what we have to say.

This is normal. We have an attachment to our devices. In the 1950s, Founder of Attachment Theory, Dr. John Bowlby (1969), identified that “Prior to birth and from birth forward,” that a process of attachment – where there is a presence of “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings”— is necessary for healthy development.

Remember, you have nothing to fear or to lose by choosing yourself.
You have everything to gain.

Although we cannot change the unhealthy behaviours of others, we can choose our response to them. Let's grab hold of another healing choice. It is time to stop hurting and… Choose Your Health

This series is for individuals who have worked on their wellness, or for those who are currently embracing a path of recovery, or for those who have chosen an intentional healthy way of being which is much different from their family of origin.